I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
