I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
