so that wasnt chicken after all
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
