I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
