are you so shy because you have an std?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
