Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
