Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
