im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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