The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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