he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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