i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I did not marry a roomba.
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