Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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