I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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