how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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