Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we're making bets on your personal life
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
