Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
