come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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