Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
