Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
