she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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