He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
