Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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