you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
