it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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