Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
