I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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