She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
