At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
