porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
