It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
