i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
