smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
