Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
