her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
