I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
