If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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