My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
