Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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