apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
