Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
