I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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