Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
