Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
