Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
