i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
tell me about the eggs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
