you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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