I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
