i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
