this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
