No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
