There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sorry my hands just texted you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
