I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
