Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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