Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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