flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
