yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
